June
12
I find it slightly ironic that right below this post, and as what I am about to say is a post professing my love to Andrew. We split up and he moved out Saturday May 29th, possibly one of the worse days of my life.
There was a lot building up to this day. This last year or so we have become noticeably distant from each other. There was something very wrong and missing. Communication and the ability for us to live our lives came into play. We focused too much on being one identity that for Andrew, he got bored and depressed. I admit now that I see it.
Though we never stopped to talk about it, until it was too late.
My heart aches, so damn bad for the love that has been lost. I still love Andrew, but am I in love with him? I don’t think so. He’s a different man then he was a year ago. He needs time to figure out who he is, and what he wants in life.
I know what I want. I have a fabulous job, I love it in fact. It has future goals, and room for easy advancement. My sons are growing up and rapidly becoming teenagers I can be proud of. I’m driving and am now an independent woman. Almost all of these things I have to thank Andrew for. Without him I’m not sure I would have ever taken the leap of faith and gone back to school, got my license, been a strong mother to create the way my boys are now.
However the personal growth that has happened in myself in the last few weeks, that has been all me. I’ve gotten my ass up off the couch and have a social life now. I’m forcing myself out the door and to hang out with friends, looking into joining an aquasize class here in a few weeks, even going out for a walk…just to get out of the house. There was a lack of this before Andrew left, I see that now. I feel healthier. I’ve lost 5 lbs. and kept them off. I’ve also noticed that my clothes are fitting better!
I’m not sure what the future has in store for me, but I am ready to face it head on. Loosing love hurts like hell, and I still have my very down days, but time heals. Everyday is better than the last and Andrew and I are trying to build a friendship, after that…well its way to early to say.